I'm listening to Babyteeth for the first time, really good music. I woke up from nightmares and watched some Bash programming classes. Since I started this, following the path of living my life my way, I've begun to feel like my heart is just an emptiness. Have you ever felt like that? I feel alone even around my friends, but they're probably also living their own personal hells, just like me.
Every day when I wake up, I wonder why I'm doing all this. This website, these articles, and the classes I've been taking. The hours that pass like the ticking of a clock, where exactly are they going? What will my future be like? Will I ever become a hacker? Actually, let me rephrase that. Will I ever become someone? Someone I'm proud of? The life I see through the window, will She ever walk beside me? I'm starting to wonder.
But things are good. At the end of next month, I should finish this course. Desec is a very good school, so I'll be a step ahead when I finish these classes. I think what wears me down is this feeling that it's never enough. I'm not complaining about the constant studying and learning. In fact, I enjoy it. What wears me down is this feeling of never being good enough, the imposter syndrome.
I think I need to go, I need to finish this programming module, but it was good talking to you. We should probably do this more often. See you soon, Friend.